137. AMERICAN FATWAH

From the Archives

(August 2005) I’m in my favorite café having a latte and shaking my head at the latest that idiot Pat Robertson has done to get in the news. You’ll remember that, in 1998, he said that God was hitting Florida with hurricanes because of gay days at Disney (note that queers, not Disney, organized this event). Then he condemned the United Nations for trying to make one world government. And now he is making terrorist statements on TV, telling his loyal Christianists—while no doubt adding that God insists that they should send Pat more money—that the US should assassinate Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez.

"We have the ability to take him out, and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability," he said on the PTL Club (1 million + viewers). "We don't need another $200 billion war to get rid of one, you know, strong-arm dictator. It's a whole lot easier to have some of the covert operatives do the job and then get it over with. ...You know, I don't know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it.
It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war ... and I don't think any oil shipments will stop."

Perhaps someone should tell Pat that he uses too many you knows. (Couldn’t his god cure that?) And I guess he’s only a literalist when it comes to making homophobic statements about what the Bible says, since he obviously missed the “Thou shalt not kill” commandment.

Interestingly, the White House has had little to say about this, perhaps because they’re beholden to the Religious Right and Chavez is such an outspoken critic of the shrub that would be king.

This did prompt the following line in Yahoo’s story: "[Robertson’s statements] reveal that religious fundamentalism is one of the great problems facing humanity in these times."

BEST OF SPAM SUBJECT LINES: dont you think its dumb? (Well yeah yes I do)