222. THE EVERPRESENT EXPERT, NOW APPEARING AT A GYM NEAR YOU

From the Archives

(May 2006) Ever noticed how there’s always a guy who insists on passing himself off as an expert despite the fact that he doesn’t know jack?

Well, I encountered a member of this tribe today and handled it with my usual tact and southern grace.

Big surprise that he wore a big gold cross and a gleaming St. Christopher medallion (making it very easy to imagine him at anti-choice rallies, insisting that he instruct women in how to behave in their own bodies).

Dude and I attended a 2-hour Understanding The New Weight Room seminar, where he constantly interrupted the female trainer leading the session to inform us that (1) women have no upper-body strength and (2) women have no business in a gym.

In between, he told women where we should actually stand to use equipment, where we should actually walk in the new facility, how we should actually behave in general. And he became increasingly agitated when we either ignored him or told him (in my case) that none of us came to the session to hear his opinions, so why didn’t he just shut up and let the trainer do her job.

I’ve lifted weights for years now (but am unfamiliar with this new style of equipment) and, like the exercise physiology grad. student/trainer who led the session, know my way around a weight room. So, near the end of the session, when she asked for a volunteer who was familiar with the leg press, I stepped right up, smirked at the guy, then promptly pressed a 190-pound set.

Then, leaving my settings in place, I said, “So do you actually work out on weight machines or just talk about them?”

Turns out Mr. Scrawny could barely press these weights down and, when he did, they was so heavy that they flew back fast and loud, nearly pushing his bony knees into his chest.

THAT got a smirk out of all of us and left him red-faced and stewing for the rest of the session.

Conclusion: Sometimes it’s good to be the asshole.