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From the Archives

(April 2005) Today’s the anniversary of the day Oscar Wilde was arrested on sodomy charges after a Marquis accused him of having an affair with his son.

That was in the 1800s. Today, sodomy is still illegal in many states. (Fall in love (or lust); go to jail. Go directly to jail....)

In other news, if it weren’t illegal, I would steal Cecil’s clever idea and call this entry NEWS OF THE WEIRD because there’s a whole lot of weirdness going on in our country right now.

(1) A Florida sheriff who was pissed at criticism he received in the local paper’s editorial section used the driver’s license database to locate the letter-writer, then sent her a letter refuting her comments. Problem is, assh0le, she has a right to free speech and you violated federal privacy laws.

(2) Then there’s Ms. Wheelchair Wisconsin who was stripped of her title (and, I assume, her tiara) after a newspaper article included a photo of her standing. Apparently, the former Ms. Wheelchair Wisconsin has muscular dystrophy and spends most of her time on a scooter but, on good days, she can still sometimes walk up to 50 feet. She sometimes stands while teaching too—but I guess that's too mobile for the judges, who believe that she withheld her obviously stellar physical capabilities.

(3) And let’s not forget the news that Hunter S. Thompson’s wife is going to shoot his ashes from a cannon (which, for imagination purposes, I will just think of as a very large bong).

(4) And, now three words about a report that there have now been 35,000 news stories on the pope worldwide: SHUT UP ALREADY!

Were there a comparable number of stories about Terry Shiavo or did it just seem that way? I would love to run a per-character comparison to the articles investigating those theoretical weapons of mass destruction.

(5) No big surprise here, but the shrub’s approval ratings are the lowest ever for a second-term president. Guess he’ll have to start another war, just like Daddy did.

(Oh but wait. Bush The Former started his war because his ne’er-mentioned, ne’er-do-well son Neil’s trial began that same day. In other words, the people who died that day died because it was an opportunistic way to bury a bad story about his fambly.)

(6) The Bush family's high morals must have influenced co-Texan and current House majority leader Tom (shiver) DeLay, whose wife and daughter have apparently been paid more than $500,000 since 2001 by hubbydad’s PACs.

(7) And, finally, the Masters golf tournament has begun again sans protestors.

(Meanwhile, women are still barred entrance to the club.)